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I have left Serbia 16 years ago searching for my own identity and struggling to understand what was wrong with me liking women. I gradually forgot what it meant to be a lesbian in Serbia. The matter was to adjust to being lesbian in China - at that time (16 years ago) not much different. But, things have changed in China since 2000 - the new law stated that homosexuality was not an illness and life moved on, bars still occasionally get raids but there is no gay bashing and I think Chinese activists are doing an amazing thing to help us live in peace internally and externally.

16 years later I hear... the law has changed in Serbia against discrimination of various groups (related to religion, sexual orientation, gender or beliefs). Looking forward to another chance there is a pride parade in Belgrade this summer. I am so excited, hopeful that there is a way for everybody to live in Serbia and be open minded, to be able to express themselves without any punishment and single minded view of the world.

Not everybody in Serbia thinks that way...

Anti-gay groups on the facebook (origin - Serbia):

1. Stop Pederluku !!!

To nije normalno, to je protiv prirode.. Kazimo NE gej brakovima u Srbiji, usvajanju dece od strane pedera, i ne dozvolimo da se nasa zemlja pretvori u ogromnu gej paradu!!
Oni treba da se leče. Ako nas Evropa ne bude htela zato što prava homoseksualaca nismo rešili na bolji način, onda nam takva Evropa i ne treba..

Evo kako je nas veliki knjaz Milos resio pitanje pedera:
Rešenje Miloša Velikog:
Kada nekog nađu sa osobom istog pola na gomili stave ga u bure sa fekalijama i to taman toliko da mu dođu do guše, zatim neko ko je dobar strelac gađa tačno iznad glave kako bi ovaj morao da uroni u bure i shvati kako je kada neke stvari ulaze gde ne treba..

(TRANSLATION)
(Stop Fagoting!!!) 265 members
This is not normal, it is against our nature. Say No to gay marriages in Serbia, adoption of children for gay couples, we don't want to let our country turn into a big gay parade!!
They need a treatment. If Europe doesn't want us because we didn't have a better way to sort gay rights then we don't need that kind of Europe...

Here is how our great duke Milos solved the fagot issue:

Solution of Milos the Great:
When they find somebody of same sex together they put him into a barrel with feces coming up to his throat and then a good shooter aims right above his head so he needs to dive into the barrel to understand how it is when something goes where it shouldn't go.

2. IDEMO NA GEJ PARADU DA PEGLAMO PEDERE!
Grobari i Delije ujedinite se da zgazimo pedere
Gej parada je jedinstveni skup pedercina na jednom mestu, gde ih je naj lakse ugaziti!

Let's go to Gay Parade to beat faggots! 120 members
Under slogan: Grobari and Delije (footbal fans) get together to step on faggots
Gey pride is a unique gathering of queers on one spot so it is easier to step on them!

3. NEĆU GEJ PARADU!!!~We Don't Want Gay Parade!!! 539 members (attached photo is from this group)

(ZA SRPSKO GOVORNO PODRUCJE)
*****************************
PRVO:
Uclanite se u grupu,
pozovite sve svoje prijatelje da se pridruze,
Sirite grupu da se zajedno borimo protiv gej parade
Hvala!!!!!


(FOR ENGLISH -SPEAKING AREA)
**************************
FIRST:
Join group
Invite all your friends to join,
Spread group together to fight against the gay parade
Thank you !!!!!


4. We don't want faggots in Serbia
Serbia can go on without
2528 members

Comment from a member:

Ja sam završila psihologiju. Tamo smo učili da su to seksualne devijacije (tj. bolesti). Sada dolazi do zamene teze. Nas, koji smo zdravi, proglašavaju bolesnima ("homofobni"), a bolesne - zdravima. U Londonu se u eksperimentalne škole uvodi obavezna lektira - bajke, gde se princ zaljubi u princa...Tužno.
Mislim da rešenje nisu logori, nego da svako u svojoj porodici i svom okruženju radi na borbi protiv ove zamene teze. Samo na jedno pitanje ne znam odgovor - KOME ova zamena teze ODGOVARA? Ko to ne želi da se umnožimo? Ko ovu ideju gura? Koji je cilj???

I graduated psychology. There they taught us that these are sexual deviations (i.e. illness). Now they want us to change the thesis. Us, who are healthy, they proclaim for sick ('homophobic') and the sick ones are now healthy. In London they introduced compulsury reading in schools - fairy tales where prince falls in love with prince... sad.
I don't think that concentration camps are the solution but everybody in their own family and in their own environment need to work against this changed thesis. i just don't know one thing - In WHOSE INTEREST is the change of this thesis? Who doesn't want us to reproduce? Who is pushing for this idea? What is the purpose???

as written on the group: mamu li vam jebem pedersku, homoseksualac

f*** your queer mother, you faggot

First Belgrade Gay Pride Parade was in year 2000. Police and crowd attacked those peacefully marching on the streets. It ended with blood.

Lala in boxes

They keep asking, where do I belong
Am I a T or a P, femme, butch or a dyke
I look at them rhetorically
How about Serbian, Croatian, Slovenian or Chinese
Which box is more fitting
Who jumps out when you squeeze?

Practice

I have learned a practice
How to dodge mind daggers

Do it slowly at first
Build stamina and focus
Ground soles of your feet
Add a Mona-Lisa smile
And mind starts flowing,
Ephemeral butterfly.

Embrace the Unknown - for profesora

It is almost a year since I wrote Lala Diaries. Last summer I entered a difficult stage where my body simply dissolved, melted on Beijing heat. After three heat strokes I stopped going out and for 2 weeks ate only toast and light food. I lost weight and turned into a 46 kg shadow. Generally feeling lost and still trying to hold pieces of my life that felt familiar: home, work, dogs, Y. K was further and further away. Disconnected without even a memory of the connection. Each time I would gather some strength I'd try to check if it came back and even bigger disappointment discovering that we were miles apart. Most of the time I was angry for my realization - I was spinning that emotional wheel for a while.

I am not sure if I want to go into details of that journey, I feel right now that I have survived the storm, ship sank, I am on an island.

Today, I celebrate for three reasons: 10 year aniversary of Belgrade bombing, one year anniversary since the separation with K and the fact that somebody asked me to continue writing Lala Diaries since it helps them in their soul searching.

Today I celebrate life, sanity, forgiveness, learning and growth. Above all I celebrate love.

Embrace the Unknown

Black panther crossed my road today. “I am safe,” I thought while she stared at me with an intention. “Embrace the unknown, let go of control, cross the border of your limits – where will you go?” I swear I could hear her talk. Pangs of fear induced blood into my heart, what does one do when faced with a such natural might? Is that death I am facing?


The animal paces slowly around me, forming an invisible cage … I sit in the middle of the circle to meditate, determined as Buddha – still far away from the final destination. A thought appears: "Many have been here before" – brave conclusion. Panther stops and breathes heavily… the beast is my teacher, the extreme of action, my ultimate reaction. Slowing breathing down.

I ask hastily: “If you were my death what would the message be?”
“This is the end, shall we go?” it responds as if it was happening already. Linear direction of time starts going in circles, I am in trance going deep and deeper still. Past – future continuum distant, relative, secluded, wide open. For a speck of time I witness distant memories, butterflies of forgotten images. In and out, merely a peak and then it stops suddenly as it began.

I am here, now, ready to go.

To You

Stuck in the moment
Of seeing your face.
Wrinkles on your nose.
So self inviting
Light in your eyes
Gazing through my Universe.
I open my gates,
I am wide open.

Trust

You said: “Trust yourself”
And the meaning got lost
In silence.

Welcome to Tijuana

Am I waiting
Or just spending time?
Distant memories
Welcome to Tijuana.

Like two coyotes,
Persistent tricksters,
I like unpredictability
I like the misery.

Unspoken language,
Erect barb-wired border,
Bitter coffee for Saturday brunch.
Coins in the ocean
Breaking the waves away.