Gay Pride

Else and I have been talking about organizing Gay Pride Parade in Beijing (and making first steps too). This idea has been ruminating for 5 years in my mind. I have expressed it before but nothing really happened apart from suspicious comments how crazy that would be.

If I move beyond learned helplessness and storm through the closed doors of assumption that China is ready for something like this, I wonder if some day soon Gay Pride Parade will have Beijing on its calendar list.

Dare to see it!

I could hardly keep my camera still - so much excitement and fun

K in front of the float with various Asian countries flags (including Chinese)
Montreal Gay Pride 2006

This year on the list:
A

Albuquerque, NM (Albuquerque Pride 2007)
June 8 - 9

Amsterdam, NL (Amsterdam Pride 2007) see pics
Aug 2 - Aug 5

Anchorage, AK (Anchorage Pridefest 2007)
June 16 - 24

Asbury Park, NJ (New Jersey Pride)
June 3

Atlanta, GA (Atlanta Pride Festival 2007)
June 22 - 24

Austin, TX (Austin Pride Parade 2007)
June 2

B

Baltimore, MD (Baltimore Pride 2007)
June 16 - 17

Bangkok, Thailand (Bangkok Together 2007)
Nov 3 - Nov 11

Bergen, Norway (Bergen Pride 2007)
May 6 - 14

Berlin, Germany (Christopher Street Day Berlin)
June 23

Birmingham, AL (Central Alabama Pride 2007)
June 1 - 11

Boise, ID (Boise Idaho Pride)
June 3 - 10

Boston, MA (Boston Pride 2007)
June 1 - 10

Brussels, Belgium (Belgian Lesbian and Gay Pride 2007)
May 12

C

Cardiff, Wales (Cardiff-Wales Lesbian and Gay Mardi Gras 2007)
September 1

Carlsbad, CA (North County San Diego Pride)
December 3

Cedar Rapids, IA (Cedar Rapids PrideFest 2007)
June 7

Charlotte, NC (Pride Charlotte 2007)
Aug 25

Chicago, IL (Chicago Pride 2007)
June 24

Cleveland, OH (Cleveland Pride 2007) see pics
June 16

Cologne, Germany (ColognePride 2007)
July 8

Columbus, OH (Columbus Stonewall Pride 2007)
June 23

Copenhagen, Denmark (Copenhagen Pride 2007)
August 18 - 26

D

Dallas, TX (Dallas Pride 2007)
Sept 16

Denver, CO (Denver Pridefest 2007)
June 23 - 24

Detroit,MI (Motor City Pride)
June 3

Dublin, Ireland (Dublin Pride 2007) see pics
June 23

Durham, NC (North Carolina Pride 2007)
Sept 29

E

Edmonton, Alberta, Canada (2007 Pride Week)
June 15 - 16

EuroPride 07 (in Madrid, Spain)
June 22 - July 1

F

Flagstaff, AZ (Flagstaff Pride in the Pines 2007)
June 8 - 10

Frankfurt, Germany (Christopher Street Day 2007)
July 20 - 22

G

Gainesville, FL (Gainesville Pride 2007)
Oct 12 - 21

Glasgow, Scotland (Glasgay! 2007 Festival)
Oct 12 - Nov 11

H

Hamburg, Germany (Christopher Street Day Hamburg)
Aug 3 - 5

Harrisburg, PA (Harrisburg PrideFest 2007)
July 28

Hartford, CT (2007 Connecticut LGBTI Pride Festival)
TBD

Honolulu, HI (Honolulu Pride 2007)
May 27 - June 2

Houston, TX (Houston Pride Festival 2007)
June 23

I

Iowa City, IA (Iowa City LGBT Pride)
June 16

J

Jersey City, NJ (Jersey City Pride 2007)
Aug 25

K

Kansas City, MO (Kansas City Gay Pride 2007)
June 1 - 3

L

Lisbon, Portugal (Porto Pride 2007)
June 23

London, England (Pride London)
June 30

Long Beach, CA (Long Beach Pride)
May 19 - 20

Los Angeles, CA (LA Pride 2007)
June 8 - 10

Louisville, KY (Kentuckiana Pride Festival 2007)
June 15 - 16

M

Madrid, Spain (Europride 07)
June 22 - July 1

Manchester, England (Manchester Pride 2007)
Aug 17 - 27

Milwaukee, WI (Milwaukee PrideFest 2007)
June 8 - 10

Minneapolis, MN (Twin Cities Pride 2007)
June 23 - 24

Montreal, Quebec, Canada (Divers/Cite)
Aug 1 - 5

Moscow, Russia (Moscow Pride Festival '08)
May 31

Munich, Germany (CSD 2007)
Aug 11 - 12

N

Nashville, TN (Nashville Pride Fest 2007)
June 2

New Hope, PA (New Hope Celebrates 2007)
May 18 - 20 (Event Review)

New Jersey(GLBTI Pride Celebration 2007)
June 3

New York City, NY (Heritage of Pride 2007) see pics
June 17 - 24

O

Oklahoma City, OK (Oklahoma City Pride 2007)
June 16 - 24

Omaha, Nebraska (Nebraska Pride Parade 2007)
June 8 - 10

Orlando, FL (Come Out With Pride)
Oct 11 - 14

P

Palm Springs, CA (Palm Springs Pride 2007)
November 3 - 4

Paris, France (Paris Pride 2007)
June 30

Pattaya, Thailand(Pattaya Gay Festival 2007)
Nov 29 - Dec 2

Philadelphia, PA (Philly Pride 2007)
June 10

Phoenix, AZ (Pheonix Pride 2007)
April 14 - 15 (see pride pics)

Phuket, Thailand (Phuket Pride)
March 29 - April 1

Pittsburgh, PA (Pittsburgh PrideFest 2007)
June 16

Portland, OR (Portland Pride 2007)
June 16 - 17

Porto, Portugal (Porto Pride 2007)
July 7

Providence, RI (Rhode Island Pride)
June 1 - 16

R

Rehoboth Beach, DE (Delaware Pride Festival)
Sept 15

Reno, NV (Power of Pride 2006)
Aug 17 - 19

Reykjavik, Iceland (Reykjavik Pride 2007)
Aug 9 - 12

Roanoke, VA (Roanoke Pride)
Sept 16

Rome, Italy (Roma Pride 2007)
June 16

S

Salt Lake City, UT (Utah Pride 2007)
June 1 - 3

San Diego, CA (San Diego LGBT Pride)
July 15 - 22

San Francisco, CA (San Francisco 2007)
June 23 - 24

Santa Fe, NM (Sante Fe Pride on the Plaza 2007)
June 23

Seattle, WA (Seattle Pride 2007)
June 24

St. Louis, MO (Pride St. Louis 2007)
June 23- 24

Stockholm, Sweden (Stockholm Pride)
July 30 - Aug 5

T

Toronto, Ont., Canada (Pride Toronto 2007)
June 15 - 24

Tucson, AZ (Tucson Pride 2007)
Oct 14

V

Vancouver, BC, Canada (Vancouver Pride 2007)
July 28 - Aug 5

W

Washington D.C (Capital Pride 2007)
June 2 - 10

Z

Zagreb, Croatia (Zagreb Pride 2007)
July 4 - 7

Zurich, Switzerland (Verein Gay Pride)
June 1 - 3

Inspiring

Tracing the Diary

It was few weeks ago, a friend mentioned that she had some photos, letters and a diary from my ex. She was decorating the house and getting rid of things but thought this one may be something I am interested to have. I immediately agreed. She has mentioned it before and I thought it would be a nice way to embrace forgiveness and fall in love with that part of myself that I have rejected for so long.

I haven't heard from my ex for a long time. In my mind I have dealt with it through my dreams, stories I shared with K, my desires, my learnings and my work. Near the time when I received the call I have interpreted my past as something I should and have to suffer for. I couldn't move past the judgment that I should've known better what to do at the time, that choices I made were wrong, that I was naive... My coach said I was a Tragic Heroine. That shook me out of Poor Me drama and I got my smile back, joy in my heart was letting me know that I choose life. Mind got the signal and was conquered for a bit but then I realized it was timid just for a while.

It was nice to see my friend. We've known each other since 1993, worked together, partied together. If you are ever in Beijing visit Bookworm (http://www.beijingbookworm.com/), for a good read, writing emails on your laptop, cup of coffee, interesting talk. You'll see her there doing her dream. Very inspiring.

Amidst the boxes and subtle chaos of the apartment she showed me a shoe box where everything was. On the top there was a big envelope with my name and ex's address on it. We lived together at the time. I glanced at the photos underneath and was amazed to dig out swerve of emotions. Neurons were shooting light arrows into places that I covered with darkness. One spark and here it goes - everything is back again. Images start moving, expanding blending into a movie and then STOP. I looked at the envelope wondering what would the first page of her diary say. What kind of message will be there? From the kitchen my friend was glancing at me while making coffee. I know she has seen all the photos and read parts of the diary too. I am shy for a bit and then skip to the blue book. It looks familiar but I still didn't get it.

I opened the first page. It says: '88. I feel this year started very well. MY HANDWRITING! "This is my diary!" I shout to my friend and she's as bewildered as I am.

This blue book, protected from dust by the envelope, gave me an insight: the journey that I buried in regret was actually a love story, the book of dreams and shy comments of internal world. It was in Serbian mostly, some letters in English, few photos, plane and theater tickets, book quotes... my adolescent life, 18 - the best year yet, the year to remember, the year to relive. And it says: I feel this year started very well.

Recommend

Movies
But I'm a Cheerleader
Desert At Hearts
If These Walls Could Talk 2
Better Than Chocolate
Chinese Botanist's Daughter
Bound

Series
Portrait of a Marriage
Fingersmith
L Word

Books (first and only books I read, recommend with delight)
Fingersmith, Sarah Waters
Tipping the Velvet, Sarah Waters

Lala goodies

K came back from Canada and brought so many Lala goodies... Magazines, newspapers, DVDs. I love reading Curve magazine, it gives insight on the bright side of out-and-proud lifestyle. Just before I started writing Lala Diaries both K and I made a wish to be more in touch with current Lala world and create one in Beijing (apart from two of us :)). First Sarah Waters was introduced with her amazing Fingersmith and Tipping the Velvet - mesmerizing!

Last week N&K gave us bunch of Lala movies to watch. I was so excited to see Portrait of a Marriage, the story of relationship between feminist writer Vita Sackville-West (Janet McTeer) and novelist Violet Keppel (Cathryn Harrison). Seeing the cover of the DVD took me back to time when the series were shown on Belgrade TV. How inspiring! Thinking back I realize how open-minded Yugoslavia was then despite the fact of being labeled as homophobic (by me, by others - media, individuals etc.). Back in 1993 I recorded the whole series on VCR and watched scenes that expressed how I felt deep inside still not knowing what was exactly going on with my mind, body and soul.

Can't you realize a little?...Oh, how to put it into words?... It isn't that I don't love you. I do, I do, you'll never know how much! But you're good and sweet and you're teh person that I love in the best and simplest way. But there's a lot in me that isn't good and simple. It's that side in me that says:
"Well," it says, " Why should I break my heart simply because I'm his wife? It's only because of scandal and inconvenience, really."
So I fish and I fish and sometimes I catch a lovely little silver trout, but never that great salmon that lashes and fights and convinces me that it's fighting for its life!

Vita Sackville-West talking to her husband Harold Nicolson about her love for Violet Keppel

Sometimes I wonder if I loved this scene so much that I decided to live the same life. It seems so long ago and I am glad I changed the ending of my reality and let salmon live free life.

Ellen Degeneres - Coming Out

Lizzy the Lezzy Episodes 1-5, 7

Sunday Afternoon

There was a moment I remembered comments that stem from the School of Common Knowledge: being gay is a rough path to follow and there is immediate application to suffering and discrimination. Yesterday I looked around myself and saw totally opposite: inspiring Lalas having fun, fulfilled and mellow - HAPPY! We gathered on our balcony, had BBQ, opened few bottles of sparkling wine, played mahjong.

May there be many more Sundays like this!

After all, I believe, life is as tragic as we make it and who can guarantee quality of anybody's life based only on their sexuality. If you for just a moment read the following questionnaire as if you are a heterosexual, does it make sense? Equally, if you were ever asked similar questions regarding your homosexuality use the same questionnaire to challenge the challenger and have fun.

HETEROSEXUAL QUESTIONNAIRE


(©1972, Martin Rochlin, Ph.D. Reprinted with permission from the author.)

This questionnaire is for self-avowed heterosexuals only. If you are not openly heterosexual, pass it on to a friend who is. Please try to answer the questions as candidly as possible. Your responses will be held in strict confidence and your anonymity fully protected.

1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality?

2. When and how did you first decide you were a heterosexual?

3. Is it possible your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of?

4. Could it be that your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex?

5. If you've never slept with a person of the same sex, how can you be sure you wouldn't prefer that?

6. To whom have you disclosed your heterosexual tendencies? How did they react?

7. Why do heterosexuals feel compelled to seduce others into their lifestyle?

8. Why do you insist on flaunting your heterosexuality? Can't you just be what you are and keep it quiet?

9. Would you want your children to be heterosexual, knowing the problems they'd face?

10. A disproportionate majority of child molesters are heterosexual men. Do you consider it safe to expose children to heterosexual male teachers, pediatricians, priests, or scoutmasters?

11. With all the societal support for marriage, the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are there so few stable relationships among heterosexuals?

12. Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex?

13. Considering the menace of overpopulation, how could the human race survive if everyone were heterosexual?

14. Could you trust a heterosexual therapist to be objective? Don't you fear s/he might be inclined to influence you in the direction of her/his own leanings?

15. Heterosexuals are notorious for assigning themselves and one another rigid, stereotyped sex roles. Why must you cling to such unhealthy role-playing?

16. With the sexually segregated living conditions of military life, isn't heterosexuality incompatible with military service?

17. How can you enjoy an emotionally fulfilling experience with a person of the other sex when there are such vast differences between you? How can a man know what pleases a woman sexually or vice-versa?

18. Shouldn't you ask your far-out straight cohorts, like skinheads and born-agains, to keep quiet? Wouldn't that improve your image?

19. Why are heterosexuals so promiscuous?

20. Why do you attribute heterosexuality to so many famous lesbian and gay people? Is it to justify your own heterosexuality?

21. How can you hope to actualize your God-given homosexual potential if you limit yourself to exclusive, compulsive heterosexuality?

22. There seem to be very few happy heterosexuals. Techniques have been developed that might enable you to change if you really want to. After all, you never deliberately chose to be a heterosexual, did you? Have you considered aversion therapy or Heterosexuals Anonymous?

Experience - routine check

I went to see a gynecologist here in Beijing. Routine check, no real problem as we know it.... It was Saturday morning, just before friend's birthday all-day party, I was reading The Secret by Rhonda Byrne in the waiting room - I heard a scream.

"Labors," I thought.

K went first, I was next. It took a while, I thought, when they called my name.

When it was finished I was fighting with tears:

"Have you ever heard of Lesbians?" I ask.
"What?" doctor says
"Homosexuals?"
"Oh, yes," she looks at me with disbelief.
"The woman you saw before me is my wife and we are Lesbians!" I start sobbing while she apologizes for being ... forceful. My sobs are interrupted with sad thoughts: the scream I heard while in the waiting room wasn't a pregnant woman in labors - it was my wife screaming in pain during a routine gynecology check.

Later on I understand K explained it to her already, that we are married and all.

Are there Lala friendly doctors in Beijing?

Encouragement

I've got encouragement today for writing Lala Diaries... I have to admit I fell into a backdrop of fear again. Thoughts have been haunting me: what if so and so finds out? what if this is not such a good idea after all? do i really need to talk? what is wrong with life as it is?

Well, the fact is - nothing is wrong, all is right but I only wonder - what would I do if I wasn't afraid...

I even asked K: "What if, for example, your father reads about it?"

She shrugged and looked at me with nothing but love in her eyes: "He won't!" giving me permission to live my life the way I want to.

I chose to write in English although Serbian is my mother tongue. Once upon a time it was because I thought it was easier to write knowing my parents couldn't read about it me being lesbian. In meantime my Serbian got really simple and I lost touch with it - maybe if I dig into my mind's well I'll find fossil thoughts that are willing to be excavated. Would there be anybody to read?

Labris - Belgrade
Marija Sherifovic - Winner of Eurovision 2007
Charles and Fred?

Shall we dance?

Ballroom Dancing
Photos taken in Montreal 2006, First Outgames
Copyright 2006 Dalida Turkovic

Roots of Inspiration

There were three events that inspired me to start Lala* Diaries:
*Lala (Chinese): A native or inhabitant of Lesbos
*Lala (Serbian): A native or inhabitant of Vojvodina

1. Wednesday at Face
2. Louise Hay
3. Eight Irresistible Principles of Fun

For those who know or may not know but are interested - I live in China, have lived in Vojvodina (Vrsac is favourite place to be!), am lesbian and had a wicked journey learning to accept it all, getting accustomed to the fact that self acceptance comes first and need for approval is a vicious addiction (along with need for security and need for control, but I'll probably touch that topic at some later stages).

1. Wednesday at Face
As they say on their website (Face Bar Beijing): In this building complex we have set out to create a warm, cultural, friendly oasis where the traveler and trader, in the great tradition of silk route caravansaries, can meet to socialize, develop relationships and friendship. Also of course a destination for assignations and the pursuit of love.

Three Lala couples and one honorary representative of a couple (her partner couldn't come) have met at Face to just simply feel the sense of community and enjoy few drinks as well as play a game of pool (or two). I was truly inspired before, during and after especially considering the fact that I mentioned to K on Monday that I really, really wish to have more contact with Lalas in Beijing - and it is true! Few drinks, exchanges of thoughts, few definite laughs and warm fuzzy feeling of understanding, belonging and appreciation - sounds so simple, but it means so much.

Face remains in good memory, well worth its advertising and the quote above. Tomorrow we are meeting some more Lala Citizens. After last summer, OutGames and our wedding, it seems like K and I haven't been this active for almost a year. Finally!!!!

2. Louise Hay
I respect work of Louise Hay and have few of her books, one of which I use often and find a lot of wisdom in it. On the covers of You Can Heal Your Life it says: Louise L. Hay, internationally renowned author and lecturer, brings you the beautiful gift edition of her landmark bestseller. Louise's key message in this powerful work is: "If we are willing to do the mental work, almost anything can be healed." She explains how limiting beliefs and ideas are often the cause of illness, and shows how you can change your thinking - and improve the quality of your life!"

If you take these words for granted you can purchase book Heal Your Body (the book I use often) which has only list of illnesses, mental thinking patterns that cause them and affirmations that help you change your negative thinking and therefore overcome illness. (I may talk more about this later on too...)

One thing that triggered my determination to write was the fact that Louise. touched some issues regarding (homo)sexuality in You Can Heal Your Life but to which extent? This is what she says:

"Now, let's take that same theory over into the gay community, where they have all the same problems everybody else has, plus much of society pointing their fingers at them and saying, "Bad!" Usually, their own mothers and fathers are also saying, "You're bad." This is a heavy load to carry, and it's diffiult to love yourself under these circumstances. It is not surprising that gay men were amongst teh first to experience the dread dis-ease Aids.

And from there onwards she keeps talking about gay men - not even a single mention about lesbians. Zip, nothing, nada! Or did I actually miss that line? Please correct me if I am wrong.

Thank you Louise for inspiring me to start writing about lesbians - I truly believe that voices out there still give impression that we are not enough. Well, we are, we are - I saw it at Face on Wednesday!

3. Eight Irresistible Principles of Fun
Even if I thought about writing a Lala blog I have to admit I was still somewhat scared, thinking of all people I wouldn't want to see the blog, how it would impact my life, how honest can I be - days were dragging on, I survived Thursday and doubt was creeping into my mind. That is when I checked Michael Bungay Stanier's (author, speaker and coach) website with short movie about Eight Irresistible Principles of Fun

HOW INSPIRING!!! UPLIFTING!!!

The principles:

GET FOCUSED
1. Stop Hiding Who You Really Are
2. Start Being Intensely Selfish

BE CREATIVE
3. Stop Following the Rules
4. Start Scaring Yourself

USE YOUR WISDOM
5. Stop Taking It So Damn Seriously
6. Start Getting Rid Of The Crap

TAKE ACTION
7. Stop Being Busy
8. Start Something

And here it is, while you are watching the video clip, I claim I have accepted these principles and took an action - until next time, love you all for reading and welcoming comments.

la-la-la-la