Lala goodies

K came back from Canada and brought so many Lala goodies... Magazines, newspapers, DVDs. I love reading Curve magazine, it gives insight on the bright side of out-and-proud lifestyle. Just before I started writing Lala Diaries both K and I made a wish to be more in touch with current Lala world and create one in Beijing (apart from two of us :)). First Sarah Waters was introduced with her amazing Fingersmith and Tipping the Velvet - mesmerizing!

Last week N&K gave us bunch of Lala movies to watch. I was so excited to see Portrait of a Marriage, the story of relationship between feminist writer Vita Sackville-West (Janet McTeer) and novelist Violet Keppel (Cathryn Harrison). Seeing the cover of the DVD took me back to time when the series were shown on Belgrade TV. How inspiring! Thinking back I realize how open-minded Yugoslavia was then despite the fact of being labeled as homophobic (by me, by others - media, individuals etc.). Back in 1993 I recorded the whole series on VCR and watched scenes that expressed how I felt deep inside still not knowing what was exactly going on with my mind, body and soul.

Can't you realize a little?...Oh, how to put it into words?... It isn't that I don't love you. I do, I do, you'll never know how much! But you're good and sweet and you're teh person that I love in the best and simplest way. But there's a lot in me that isn't good and simple. It's that side in me that says:
"Well," it says, " Why should I break my heart simply because I'm his wife? It's only because of scandal and inconvenience, really."
So I fish and I fish and sometimes I catch a lovely little silver trout, but never that great salmon that lashes and fights and convinces me that it's fighting for its life!

Vita Sackville-West talking to her husband Harold Nicolson about her love for Violet Keppel

Sometimes I wonder if I loved this scene so much that I decided to live the same life. It seems so long ago and I am glad I changed the ending of my reality and let salmon live free life.